-pain-

Pain, there is a pain,
that nobody can't see it,
nobody can't explain it,
except she, that can explain it,
with word, but that word,
is just a word,
that can't give any pain,
to human, that never feel that pain.
Pain, that pain, is internally, not externally.
That pain, take away her reality, her dream, her enthusiasm, everything, including her own soul.

She, 'is' dead internally,
even though, externally,
she smile and laugh.
She, alone, see this world, through that pain, that control her own heart.
She, cry every night, not because love, not because recognition,
but, she cry, because that pain, corrupt her own soul.
Because, that pain, destroy her reality, and fantasy.
She need help,
but she doesn't believe human,
she afraid human, including 'her'.

She, always kill herself, in fantasy, every night, when no one see her.
She cry, painfully, beautifully,
but, she cry, only in her heart, not in reality.
Externally, she is wonderful, but inside, that pain, everyday, make her heart, decay.
She is dead internally,
but, her smile, can fool anyone,
her laugh, can fool everyone.
She is cry inside,
but her eyes, empirically, can't show, what crying is.
If you see her eyes, you can see, that she was crying last night, not empirically, but,
she cry just in her own heart.
Her soul is crying,
but her body laugh, and laugh.

She is beautiful, but she hate herself.
But, she is not beautiful, empirically,
she, ugly, stupid, her personality was hated by everyone, even herself hate that personality. She, long-long time ago, believe, that love can save her, then, she realised, that, all of that is just an illusion.
She, can't feel, what is love anymore. She hate love, romantically. She hate romantic love, because, how can she fall in love, when she, can't love herself. How, she will believe, that someone will love her, when, she can't love herself. Love is shit.

Silly girl, she said that nobody love her, but in reality, she is the one that didn't  love herself..

No, she is right... nobody love her, because she does not exist, in the first place. And, she is not she, she is 'he', but 'he' used she, to tell a story, to everyone. She is not exist, that is why, nobody love her.

And, she is not exist, when refer to human being, but when she is refer to 'pain', she is exist in his mind, only. 'She' is the pain itself, that only exist in his mind, 'she' that love his romantically with beautiful pain. Because love is a beautiful pain.

Bye human, because, there are 'she', that always company me, every night, every day, even though, I hate 'her'.
I love someone in my reality, but, I know, who am I, and, I think, I want to learn, how to love 'her' back, so I can forget her, in my reality.

This mental illness, is beautiful, because 'she' love me back, by destroying my soul, destroying my reality... and... my heart become more corrupted, day by day.

And I will kill 'her' with my own 'broken literature'.